Welp...herpes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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