she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
