Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
