Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
