I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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