Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
