You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize