Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
