i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
