Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
