Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
