ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
