I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
