Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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