they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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