My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
did you just send me my own nude
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
