Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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