I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
