I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
