I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
