At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
