Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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