Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
