After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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