heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
