cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
