Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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