so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
