He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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