my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
PS: I just woke up from my shower
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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