need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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