I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
