If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
