EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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