STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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