Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
