You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
