Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
