So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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