My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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