I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
