Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
