What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
