ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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