He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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