3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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