sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
