I think I died a long time ago.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
