im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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