Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
