Kiss
Puke
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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