Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
