There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize