I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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