perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
