Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
