My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
