i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
