just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
