I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
