i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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