Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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