I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
