Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
