Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You are a genius and a whore.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
