i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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