I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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