YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
