i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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